so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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