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I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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