the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
