Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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