well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
