Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just googled if crying burns calories
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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