I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
