She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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