so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is the high leading the old right now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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