a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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