guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize