There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
