a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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