I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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