i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
