I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Still dying that you shit outside
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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