I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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