He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
