I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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