Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Screwed.edu
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
