normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
