you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
