just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
