Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He shit in the fireplace
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