I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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