Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
