i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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