I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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