mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
