I am in a vortex of obligation.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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