and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
