There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
