Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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