Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
