im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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