i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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