I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Found the puke drawer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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