you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
