I think my fart just growled at me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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