Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
