Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
