Yo dont text me then not text me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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