roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
