Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
