I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
