No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
