I think i peed on brittanys purse
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Less talking, more tequila
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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