The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
