I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
