32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
